Don't Paleo and drive

Dr. E safety message...It is not advisable to eat a steak while you are driving....I learned this today as I was leaving work...I failed to prepare a lunch for myself today..not really a big deal as I have amazing will power and can avoid garbage...But not awesome at around 6 when I am so hungry I start looking at the birds outside and seeing little roasted chickens instead...So I grab a steak...Because Heaven Forbid the fast food industry actually make something healthy...anyway...There I am eating a beautiful bite of steak...in my car....don't judge me....I may have overestimated my ability to chew and drive as before I knew it..I was choking...Skills people...mad skills....so remember people...Only Paleo in the safe zone...as in at a table...with chairs...and no moving vehicles.....


I have a confession to make.....I may or may not be a little judgmental when I am at the grocery store...I may or may not judge you based on what is in your cart.... I also may have extreme anxiety when I am shopping for my kids and I have cereal, bread, and other non paleo items in my cart...It sort of freaks me out....I...am a cart judger....Boom!  I said it!  If you are at the store and you have your cart filled with your special K cereal...Your slim fast shakes...Your protein bars...Which in all actuality are the WORST things on the planet for you...I am going to assume that you are trying to lose weight...But..You just want to eat cereal to make it happen....lets not get moving or make any REAL lifestyle changes....okay since we are on the topic...lets discuss common DIET FADS.. and Myths...
Diet Fads/Myths:
1. The Special K diet
basically its about caloric restriction with super easy to find, cheap, processed grains and chemicals......
It's cheap and easy...It has to work right?  Wrong...While you may initially lose weight because you aren't eating as many calories..You will ultimately fail at this diet as soon as you tire of eating cereal that tastes like cardboard at every meal...

2. The HCG diet...
It's quick....Its easy....its not that cheap...why does this work?  Mainly because you starve yourself...500 calories a day?  Get real dude...is that sustainable?  Is this a lifestyle change?  Nope...Next please..

3. Juicing-
Juicing is a great way to get in your vegetables if you don't like eating them....Problem is...How many of us really like vegetable juice?  Hell no...We love Fruit juices....they taste so much better!!  Because....ding ding ding....they are filled with sugar...yes sugar is natural in this form...but too much of a good thing leads to...too much around the mid section...right?

THAT IS ONE HAPPY JUICER!

4.  The South Beach Diet-
Okay..this is one that really initially was capable of working...BEFORE it sold out and became commercialized...bottom line...frozen meals laden with sodium and snacks that are filled with artificial sweeteners?  Lets rename this one the Chemical Shit Storm diet...

5.  Diet Pills...
I'm not even going to get into this....will you lose weight?  Maybe...a little water....but ummmmmm...what the hell are you doing to your body?  The FDA says...I have no idea what this is...and you say...hmmmmm sounds good....let me swallow it?  Are you crazy?

6.  The cleanse...
Drink so mystery concoction and lose weight....yep..you will lose some...and gain that shit right back when you eat again..

So what am I getting at?  How do you lose weight if these diets all seem to fail?  You have to decide to make a lifestyle change..You have to put forth effort...You have to give something up....
Don't look at me like a 4 year old who just had his truck taken away....this isn't crazy...It's logical...
You want to lose weight?
You want to become fit?
strong?
Healthy?
STOP EATING GARBAGE!!!

Yeah it's not rocket science people....put the donut down...give up your sugar...your boxed foods...your fast foods....It's time to work for our health....

Step one: Give up Sugar....come on people...it's not hard...Quitting Heroin is Hard....Putting the sugar away...thats not hard....

NO!!! NOT MY SUGAR!!!!!!

Step two:  Decide to stick with it for life...Do you need sugar to live?  Do you need Candy?  Do you NEED that Venti Frappucino from starbucks?  Hell no...you want it....but what do you want more? The sugar?  or your health?  The sugar or a longer life full of being able to play with your kids?  Make better decisions....

Step 3:  Make a lifestyle change you can live with...Going paleo wasn't easy for me...My kids don't eat paleo everyday....that was my choice not theirs...but that doesn't mean I can't go Paleo...how many of you make dinner that consists of a Meat, A veggie or fruit and a starch...All of us right?  So how will I ever feed my family?  Lets put that excuse to bed right now....Cut out the starch!  Boom...Dinner is on the damn table.....

Step 4:  EXERCISE...yeah that's right...get off your butt and move.....

There you go...a recipe for success...

So...step away from the Donut...get to the gym...and put in some work...

Sweet Revenge

Dear RX Junkies...I have read your blogs....I know about your WOD or MOD motto.....I heard about your mishaps...actually

Sure I could go on a tangent and throw a fit about you not completing the WOD....Sure I could go back into my evil Drill Sergeant Mode and start flipping furniture and Ish like that....but really....that isn't what it's about....Just because you had a bad day...just because you had to scale back a WOD...that isn't cheating...Cheating is defined as using a lighter weight so you can finish a WOD faster even though you know you can do it at a higher weight....Cheating is stopping in the middle of a WOD because you think you are tired...or you just don't feel like finishing....If you in your heart know that you have worked as hard as you can....pushed as far as you could.....lifted as much as your body would allow...Then that my loves...that is not Cheating.....So you had a glass of wine...so you ate a piece of cake...is the world going to end?  No....I bet the sun will still rise the next morning......and all will still be well in the world....just don't turn a slip up into a landslide......Let's not say Oh no...I ate a piece of cake...Now that poor cake is sitting there looking horrible missing a piece....lets make it all disappear in my belly...That is not a slip up.....that is what we call FALLING OFF THE WAGON and will result in a personal visit from me....in which I guarantee you will soon taste that sweet cake once again....as it exits your body....but as for now I'll leave you with this.....A slip up is not the end of the world.....as long as you don't make it the end of your lifestyle change....don't cry over the slip up.....come back stronger and conquer that craving next time....Thank You....That is all.......

NOW LET ME SEE YOUR WAR FACE!!!

Walking DIsaster....

Before you read this blog I'd like you to go ahead and find the song...

One Click Headshot....Feed Me.....and play it....

Ok.....Yeah maybe its been a while...I probably should work on my blogging skills....but whatever...here you go....

It's been one of those weeks...You know the one where life pretty much knocks you down and you say loudly with your chest puffed out like you are some superhero....IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT..and it trolls you and says.....in it's Fire Marshall Bill voice...

The week started off slow with some lame petty cheer mom Drama....What's that you say.....Cheer Mom drama?  NO WAY!!!  That's unheard of.....Well ok....it exists....and believe me...Cheer moms make Dance moms and Soccer Dads look like fluffy marshmallow peeps....Who cares if my daughter is dropping your daughter on her head.....No way am I going to drive out and have my kid actually practice for a little while....that is logical...and there is no place for logic when you are a cheer mom....

Next up.....Woot!  Guess who is working full time again in the insurance BIZ...yep that's me!!  First day they break my computer, take away my hopes of ever having a vacation and send me away to school during my daughters competition..It was sort of like my first day of High School on the Westiside only this time the street gangs all decided to wear suits and pretty lavender shirts.....BOOM...That has to be it right?  HAHAHAHAHA Heavens No!!  I still have cheer practice....drive home...Total my car....Moral of the story....NEVER under any circumstance say...It couldn't possibly be worse because It can!!!  Okay end rant.....Plus side...I'm such a Bad ass I can walk away from a head on collision without a scratch on me or a hair out of place...Beat that!  DR. E has skills....

Okay....maybe these aren't the best skills....but hey they are skills right?  I haven't made it to crossfit in 2 days....2 WHOLE DAYS!!!  I am starting to go through withdrawals....If I don't get to crossfit soon I am going to start back squatting random people in the hallways at work to get my fix...I mean come on!!  Can I get a day of crossfit in please?!!!  I miss my evil sadistic Coach....who has been littering my wall with crazy seemingly impossible workouts.....yes.....my coach is taunting me....I'd expect nothing less.....but I want go go back...I NEED TO GO BACK...ok..maybe I can't turn my head at the moment...and my back hurts....but seriously....I can still workout....right?  For those of you who really know me...You know that if I were to break my leg I would still drag myself into the gym and be like....It's Ok...I'll just rub some dirt on it....lets go..maybe I'm not the smartest cookie....Maybe I don't know the difference between stupid and hardcore....but eh....those are minor technicalities....I'll leave you with this little tid bit of motivation.......

So Put Up or Shut Up.....Get in the gym.......

Can I eat this?

Lets just be clear here....If you want to make any progress at all you have to be willing to make some changes in your life.....Change of any kind begins at the end of your comfort zone....What does that mean?  It means to be Blunt...You can't sit around eating your garbage food on the couch or at your desk and expect to lose the weight...or to be healthy...It just isn't going to happen!!!  I get asked all the time to help people...How do I lose weight...well you need to eat...REAL FOOD!!!  No you don't need to juice....No you don't need to fast...No you don't need to go on some stupid ass Beach Body Bull....You don't need to spend money to lose weight...you need to get back to basics....stop filling your body with garbage...You get what you put in....put in health...get out health....simple right?  Almost too simple...so simple people would rather look for something more difficult because it is advertised on TV...well go for it people....As for me...I'm going to keep eating right...and exercising...because guess what.....that's the secret.....Boom...You heard it here folks.....EAT....Eat Meat...Eat Veggies!  Eat Real Food!!  Lots of people will tell me that they are eating healthy...Oh today I only ate this...and they will lie in their food journals..or lie in their exercise logs...well guess what....You can't lie to your body....what you eat in private shows in public....What you don't do in private shows in public too....There is no quick fix to strength or weight loss...it's hard work...it's consistency...You have to want to change.....Nobody is perfect..Dude...when it is that week for me you better believe I crave chocolate like nobodys business....I may even think about selling one of my organs for some....but I don't...well not always....you can't deprive yourself all the time...If you do you'll just go on a binge and eat a cheat meal that could satisfy the state puff marshmallow man...(If you don't understand my reference please stop reading my blog)....so go ahead and cheat a little...live it up...once....not always....

Boom....Sugar is the Devil.....go on the Detox....then go Paleo....its the way to be...

It's my Birthday and I'll do a WOD if I want to....

Let's see....Where to begin....well today is my birthday...yep...I'm blazing the way into old age like a BOSS....31...even the number looks old....I remember being a kid and saying....oh god...please don't let me get that old when I heard people talk about their 30's....and here I am.....I'm 31....So today after rolling out of bed at the super early hour of 10:30...don't judge me...it's my birthday and my kids aren't home....eating my paleo breakfast of Eggs and Ham....making sure I went through every single wall post on Facebook and said thank you...I went to meet the Biffers for coffee....mmmmmmmmm.....sweet coffee....It was great seeing her and walking around Target...she gave me the most amazing gift ever...mismatched socks and an amazing book of photos....just perfect...well after that quick break from life I was feeling super amazing and headed over to crossfit....today was GOAT day...which basically means grab two things you suck at and do them on the minute every minute for 20 minutes...too easy right....wrong....lets just say drinking espresso before crossfit is not the greatest idea....Because Coffee means...

So drinking espresso means you can do them REALLY fast!!!!  Today I was super excited to do my one arm pull-up....totally did it....then....I tripped over the chalk bucket and sent the white powder all over the Black floor....Bravo Erika...Bravo......It takes skill to be this uncoordinated....Anyway, against my better judgement I completed the WOD...I was tired....my broken tailbone hurt...but I felt great for completing it...After that I went back home to celebrate my birthday with....well myself...because basically my birthday is just another day...can you believe my own mom forgets about it...so I did what any normal person would do...I grabbed my mop bucket and cleaned my entire house while crying about how pathetic my life is...yep real pity party here....Then I realized that Jessica still had to stop by to do her WOD....so I pulled myself together and tortured her for an hour....Great Day all around....

This week has basically killed me as far as working out goes.....between crossfit and the RX Junkies WOD's I feel like my legs are going to fall off....Crossfit has seriously been nothing but legs for what seems like years!!  Ok it's only been 3 days...but dude...I had Front Squats and Burpees one day..Followed by Kettle Bell Swings and Sled Pushes the next day...Then I had GHD sit ups today....So you can pretty much guess that I am walking around like..

Yeah like an old woman.....but it's not over....No!!!  Of course it isn't...they just posted the WOD for the open...Guess what it is...150 Wall Balls...90 Double Unders and 30 Muscle ups....Lets not even go there....So basically you want me to go to the box tomorrow and tear apart my legs with 150 Wall Balls.....Then whip myself as I attempt to do double unders when I can't even feel my legs...then mock me as I make pathetic attempts at completing A Muscle Up....lets not even discuss 30...because thats not even remotely close to happening....Sometimes I think the people who make up the WOD's have video cameras in all the boxes and tape all of our pathetic attempts to complete them so they can use them at drinking parties later on....because this WOD is just laughable....150 wall balls?!!  BAHAHAHAHAHA I am fairly certain my Quads will spontaneously combust after 60...let alone 150.....so for all of you coming by the box tomorrow....If I happen to burst into flames...please take a picture....then grab a fire extinguisher....UGH!!  You can pretty much guess what my face is right now...but to clarify when they posted this WOD I was like...

Right..............Not Cool Robert Frost.......Not Cool at all............

Reflections...

Okay...so todays workout was....okay todays workout sucked....but they all do...it's what I love about them.....I am never amazing at them...I never leave the box and say "what an amazingly easy WOD" I can't wait to go back and do another easy WOD tomorrow...because that would just be...well that would be LAME!!!!  How are you supposed to become better if you stay within your comfort zone?  It would be like Ok...I am super comfy right here on the couch...let me google a bunch of diet and exercise plans and never commit to them because well they require effort..and it hurts a little....and I'm a fragile person from Namby Pamby Land...and my mom said I can be anything I want...so obviously I can be strong even if I don't do anything...because DUH!!! Mom said so!!!  Yeah...lets not hold our breath waiting for that to happen...  If you have ever met me in person you know that I have this habit of trying to make you feel like you are part of the story...making you feel like you were there...complete with hand gestures and facial expressions...I say things like..."and then I was like..." and expect you to look to see what I was like... so to put you in my story today when I left crossfit I was like 

Yeah, It was like that.....I was cursing the girls for making me go through my second sugar detox because Dude...I seriously need my complex carbs to make it through their WODS and my own..But...I am here for them so I'm going to just suck it up...and drive on.....and hate them in silence......Okay so today I got my first pair of Reebok Nano's in....Hot pink of course...and they are AWESOME!!!  I love them!!!!  I can't say that they are better than my merrells because well that just isn't fair...but shhhhhh....between you and me....I'm kind of becoming obsessed with them....Tomorrow is my last day in my 30's...I am kind of nervous...but I'm excited...I mean it's not like I look like I am turning 31...Well depending on the time of day you talk to me....come by the house around 8pm after I have had the kids all day and you may either commit me or think I have one foot in the grave....so noon would probably be your best bet if you want to see me looking my best....alright so day what day is this of the sugar detox?  Who knows...I've lost count...it's been forever since I have had any stevia in my green tea....or honey.....oddly...I don't miss it.....I really don't miss it until I start in on my WOD...while the Sugar Detox is fantastic for those of us who are trying to break the cycle and turn away from the slow death we are causing by eating processed foods and sugar...it is freaking awful when you are doing two WODS a day......NOTE THIS!!!!!  But.....I feel fantastic...and my girls who now think I am some sadistic evil doctor are making great progress and are starting to make great lifestyle changes...I am becoming a real cross fitter...I am helping people change for the better and I love it!!!!!  My evil Doctor D has posted the WOD for tomorrow...It has two of my least favorite things in crossfit listed...I can either run distance....or row....I hate them both....like seriously....who wakes up and says hey lets go run several miles?  Crazy people...that's who...like the same type of crazy people who made up the saying Fun Run....dude...just because it rhymes doesn't mean it goes together....I mean bats and cats don't go together....Milk and silk....mouse and house...I mean come on....There are obviously people who would disagree with me and say Erika...Running is great!  It's good for you....It's a fundamental part of exercise and cross fit....yeah, yeah, yeah...I get it....so is taking spoonfuls of cod liver oil....but how many of you enjoy that?!!  I may run....but I will grumpy cat it the entire way....

Yeah...just like that....

So tomorrows WOD is going to suck....and the next days...and the next days...but it's part of what I love....call me crazy...call me sadistic...call me a cult member...it doesn't matter....because I am part of a group that has decided that taking the easy way out just wasn't going to cut it anymore....It's time to put in the work....SO get off the couch and start training for life!!!!

Feeling a little more mortal...

So my attempt at completing 13.2 wasn't as amazing as I'd hoped...I completed an unimpressive 91 reps while the others completed well above 130....awesome....I could go on and on about how unfair it was that I had to lift 75% of my body weight over my head...but "Aint Nobody Got Time For That!!!"  Lets just say I am feeling very human today....very defeated....but...I am determined to get better....Nothing makes you feel crappier than not being able to lift a weight....well I'm sure there are other things that make people feel crappy but whatever...this is my blog and I am complaining about me....so there....Anyway, other than feeling crappy about my lame status in crossfit this week I had a pretty awesome weekend.  I went to the renaissance festival, I went golfing, I spent time with the people I love...Life is great!!!  I've got this amazing group of girls who are on a sugar detox with me and they are making amazing progress...They are doing their WOD's, posting their meals, supporting each other, I couldn't be happier......Everything is just gumdrops and roses....so on to my next subject.....my progress....wait...scratch that...I just checked the WOD....rollin' on 20's....Are you kidding me today Dave?!!!  3 round of 20 135 pound front squats, 20 burpees, and 20 toes to bar...remember how I called him a dream crusher?  He strikes again........whats my max?  you guessed it 100 pounds......UGH!!!!  Dude!  Come on!!!  It's like dangling a carrot in front of me....come on Erika....come on....you can get there....you're almost there....oh...time for a weight change.....But I will just keep coming back.....because one day I'm going to get into an accident or have some nuclear waste spilled on me and become some mutant and be able to crush all of my workouts.....okay maybe that only happens in comic books...but a girl can dream right?  So judging from this workout I am guessing my theme song for the next few days will be "This girls Quads are on Fire" sung to the tune of Rihanna's this girl is on fire of course...simply ridiculous...at least I will be able to put my shirts on with ease...peeing..well that may be an issue...but I'm short so it's not that far of a drop...On a side not guess who's blazing the way into OLD AGE this week?!!!  yeah you guessed it!! ME!!! 31!! Just saying it makes me want to throw up......I mean seriously...31?!  How the hell did that happen?  What have I been doing for the last 30 years?  I mean I have been busy...but what have I been doing...I guess it's time to start focusing on what I am going to do in my next 30 years.  Step 1: Become Untouchable!!!!!

3...2....1...Go

Okay, here it goes....this is my first blog ever.....I'm blogging to document my trials and tribulations as a cross fitter, mom, and coach....This should be at the very least, mildly interesting.  Let's just go ahead and put this out there.  I did not start doing crossfit to lose weight.  I have for the most part been small for most of my life.  I stopped growing in the 7th grade for crying out loud.  I mean that's not awkward right? So I'm used to being the "small" girl.  The "tiny" girl.  hearing the "Look at how tiny you are" "She's so little" and the ever famous.."I hate you" Awesome..all of them, really....I went through high school as a 95 pound, blonde, petite, tan, dancer.  This sounds like a blessing right?  Well it all depends on where you grew up...or what your social status is...I happened to live by myself on the West Side of Phoenix in an empty apartment raising my sister.  Being a small girl wasn't exactly awesome......It was a weakness.  I hated it.  I hated the fact that everyone looked at me like I was some fragile object.  So I started running track and lifting weights.  I loved that I was able to lift more than other people.  Able to run faster than people thought.  I learned that I LOVED proving people wrong.  It became my obsession.  Someone told me I couldn't do something...Boom...I went out and killed myself until I did it.  Nobody puts baby in the corner dammit!  So after High School I set out to conquer my biggest challenge yet....I joined the Army...yeah that's right...the Army...this was a brilliant idea....lets join the Army.  Leave behind everyone and everything you know because you want to prove you are a badass...I may have taken this a step too far.  I found that out when the side of my face was covered with spit from some dude in a big hat yelling about me drinking water with an attitude.  Is that even possible?  Apparently it is.  Anyway, in the Army I had plenty of opportunities to prove myself...and prove myself I did...Over and Over and Over...Until I was that tiny Bitchy Drill Sergeant making the new recruits miserable....Okay...enough with the back story...lets get to here and now...How did we get to crossfit? What made me decide to join this quote on quote cult full of crazy sock wearing bacon eaters?  The Socks of course!!!  No...it's more than that.  It's about being able to push myself past my limits.  Yes I am small....but being small isn't the best place to be.  I don't like being small.  I like being strong.  I like being able to lift more than the person next to me. I want to be able to RX all of the WOD's.  Most of the people in the sport are 135 plus so I have some catching up to do.  I max out at a 195 pound deadlift and these girls are repping out 200-300+ IT PISSES ME OFF!!!  It pushes me to try harder.  I love that and I hate that.  My friends, God love them, will say Erika you are so strong, You are so lucky that you are so skinny.  Am I lucky?  It's not luck...I have to work hard everyday to be this way.  I will watch my friends post pictures of their dinners, their cakes, their desserts, and see their descriptions of it and think..That's not paleo, That has so much gluten.  Does that mean that I don't want it?!  Hell NO!!!  I'd kill a bastard for a cupcake!!!  But I know I can't give in!!!  IT SUCKS.  I will see my daughter eat a cookie and not see the cookie...but the sugar and what it will do to the work I just put in...I will decline invites to go out drinking because I know I have to go to the gym and I know it will destroy my efforts.  This all may seem crazy....But I have worked hard to get to this point and I don't want to go back.  I don't want to be that small, weak, little girl I used to be.  Don't give up what you want, for what you want right now.  I want to be able to RX my WOD's...If Dave the Damn Dream Crusher would slow the EFF down with the whole increasing of the weights....bastard.  I mean really dude....can you let me get at least one in before you raise it.....this man is sadistic...I don't know why I go back everyday.  I mean I get my ass handed to me, I tear my hands up, I can't get dressed for three days after and yet I go back...everyday...If I miss a day I freak out....Like a meth addict....insane I tell you...Crossfit...it's a drug...drink the kool-aid...AHHHHHH....ok.  Recently I added 4 new members to the cult...I love that they all have the desire to be strong and not skinny.  I love helping people reach their goals...Best part?  None of them asked to be a size zero.  None of them asked for quick fix.  All of them are willing to put in the work...It's a journey people...You can either spend your time catching your breath during the long march ahead...or you can spend your time taking it all in.....