Two girls one WOD....

Woot!  Made it through the WOD today!  Pretty sure I will be standing up to Pee and unable to brush my hair tomorrow but who cares!  I am alive!!!  Crossfit-The only cult in America where people rejoice in crushing WOD's and inflicting immense pain on themselves!  Yeah!  

I am sure this sign should be posted outside the door at my Box....

so back to todays WOD..."Frannie"  also known as an evil siamese twin...a mixture of Fran...who sucks in her own right...and Annie...Who the hell let these girls play together?  Better question...Who the hell invited them over?!  It's like quick pretend like nobody is home and BAM!  There they are!  

"Frannie"

50 double unders

50 situps

21 thrusters

21 pullups

50 double unders

50 situps

15 thrusters

15 pullups

50 double unders

50 situps

9 thrusters

9 pullups....

What the hell..........

Let's just explain some of this and why it sucks.....first...Fran is a dirty whore....theres a pain that everyone in the community knows...a burning in your lungs...a distinct taste of iron in your mouth....we all know it...it's like whats that burning I feel?  That taste....Oh yes...yes...now I remember...It's Fran....Now lets pair her up with her buddy Annie...Queen on the double unders...also known as queen of making you look like you just had a few hundred lashings...what's that?  Oh your legs are tired from Thrusters and you can barely do a single under?  Allow me to introduce you to the pain of Whipping yourself with a speed rope....150 times!!!

You know what that is?  Proof positive that too much girl on girl action can kill you....that's what that is....You know why we name our benchmark WOD's after girls?

I can tell you what name this one deserved...but children could be reading this.....

Anyway, I made it through another WOD and didn't die...of course it's now 3 hours later, I can barely move, my lungs hurt, and I am fairly certain I will not be able to perform most of my normal daily activities...ie...walking, breathing, or sitting down to pee tomorrow...but that is besides the point!  

I think.....

Well that is what I am going to tell myself anyway.....

Today's crossfit chalk outline...aka...aftermath....

I'm tired...I'm sore....Today was an extremely long day....My shoulder is torn....I have literally no time...I have to work early tomorrow...The WOD looks hard.....those are my excuses....but I am still here...because I am working on my Awesome Status...

well that and I am slightly twisted.......

What's your excuse?  

Character....The constant search for Captain America

This is going to be a little different from my usual posts..today I want to talk about character...I may not know everything about character, but I do know a few things for certain...I know it when I see it, I'm motivated by and drawn to individuals who have it, and I know Crossfit builds it.  Crossfit athletes know how to fail...they know that to succeed they need to know how to fail...and they are comfortable with it...they know how to lick their wounds in public

...their community is there to support them.  In the community there is no shame in failing, there is no shame in scaling, there is no shame in giving your best and not making it...there is only shame in giving up on someone....Take yesterday for example, the WOD consisted of 10 rounds of 12 pullups and 12 burpees...now I'm no math major or anything, but that is around 120 pull-ups!  I don't care who you are...that is one hell of a workout.  I immediately regretted my decision to RX the WOD about 3 rounds in....and by pull up 117 when my hand tore open I regretted it even more...but I learned something from it...I learned that I could do it.  I learned that it was painful yes.  It made me want to vomit.  It made my knees weak.  But I did it.  My crossfit family was there for me and I did it.  Having said all this I have come to realize that this is how one should approach all situations in life.  Relationships for example should be approached this way.  What would happen if we never started a relationship because we were afraid it would fail?  How would we ever find love?  How would we ever produce?  Would we all just sit idly by and wallow in our own self pity and fear?  That is just ridiculousness right?  You should know by now that I am rarely 100% serious in all of my posts so for the humorous portion I leave you with this little gem....from this day forward I am going to start taking my dates to a Crossfit WOD...If he makes it through a WOD and comes back he may be worth it...if not...well...I guess thats all she wrote....You can tell a lot about a mans character by the way he deals with the pain of a WOD....and what he says during it...will he use his words to deflect the attention away from his own failures or use them to motivate others?  Will he celebrate his failures or wallow in them and never return.....fight for something or give up because its a little to tough.....only time will tell....Character....it speaks volumes......what does yours say about you?

Tabata or something else...

Lets just say yesterdays WOD looked like a page from how to kill a crossfitter in 32 rounds or less.....I mean...Really Dave? A total of 32 rounds of tabata 20 seconds work/10 seconds rest..... 8 rounds of pullups followed by 8 rounds of push ups, 8 rounds of sit-ups, then 8 rounds of squats?!!!!  Come on!!  It sucked immensely...I killed the pull-ups....then went right on to the push-ups...by round four of Push ups I was reaching muscle failure at the end of each 20 second round...YES!!  Falling on your face is awesome...did I stop?  Nope...I just kept going....4 times I fell on my face....4!! By the end of this WOD I could literally feel every ounce of energy drained from my body....I WAS EXHAUSTED!!! Like OMG Exhausted.....I was laying on the floor ready to die...Tabata or Something else...two hours later I found out what the something else was....Pain....Lots and Lots of Pain....I couldn't even think straight it hurt so much..

So yeah, about that.....Once again I managed to make it through another WOD and live to tell about it....and feel it in every damn part of my body the next....This morning as I laid there listening to my nemesis AKA..the alarm clock go off I wondered if Tabata soreness was a viable excuse to miss a day at work...I decided it wasn't and dragged myself out of bed..ok..maybe it was more of a roll...but hey I made it....By the time I got to work I had already downed my double espresso and headed straight for the coffee maker in the break room...Hoping John had been the one to make it...His coffee is actually chewable...it's intense...but I needed it....Nope...Coffee was made by a tea drinker obviously because it did nothing for me!!!

This Paleo Challenge is killing me...I am so tired...I want my sushi back...and I am pretty sure I would trade one of my kids for a glass of milk right now...it's a good thing they are adorable because wow....I am craving milk like a back alley hooker looking for a fix.....It's that serious.....Todays WOD was ridiculously intense...After barely being able to walk...Dave

AKA this guy

Had us do 75 Wall Balls!!!  What?  Does he not realize I have to sit down to pee?  Come on!  First off, I'm beyond short...second off....WALL BALLS?!?!?!?!  To make it worse he added the element of knocking the ball out of our hands....If he was successful we had to do burpees...I'm convinced now that Dave is the Devil...No need to look any further folks..He works at my gym....You know how I know?  Because tomorrows WOD is 2000m Row and then...............yes it's written just like that....with nothing to follow....I'm guessing we are either going to be killed or wish we were...Either way, if I die NOTE MY TIME!!!!!

Coffee.....Bacon....and exercise...

 Early Mornings, Late Nights....My exhaustion can only be cured by one thing....thats right!  The crossfit trifecta!!!  Coffee...Bacon and Exercise!!!  The past few nights I haven't been able to fall asleep....I am attributing my new found insomnia to my lack of cross fit....If I don't workout enough...I don't sleep...I fall asleep at 1...ish..and I am back up at 6....yuck...how do I survive?  Say it with me....STARBUCKS.....yes...the most amazing thing on the face of this planet at the moment...Espresso...sweet nectar of the gods....my coworkers told me today that they have a 12 step program for people like me...If you ask me the only 12 steps I will be taking will be 12 steps closer to starbucks...

this week has been challenging for me...both mentally and physically...I am having a difficult time adjusting to my new job...I haven't been able to figure out my balance between work and cross fit...they moved up my school date causing me to miss my daughters cheer comp for the first time in her life...It's painful...I am making changes...making a change is painful...it stings a little bit...the same sting you feel when you whip yourself attempting to do a double under...I hate those by the way...I have asked several people why we need to jump rope and all I have received is the classic mom response..because crossfit says so...NOT Cool cross fit...Double unders are lame status...When I see double unders on the crossfit board of death I think to myself..yay...I get to do an amazing lift and then whip myself while I attempt to jump rope like a school girl at recess....so annoying..I need to go back to cross fit...it's imperative...I cant take it anymore...this may not seem like a big deal to you...but for me taking crossfit away from me is like taking the meds away from the mental patients at the hospital.....I need to figure this out soon....or I'll be one step closer to wearing that white jacket...

It's that serious....How do you know a cross fitter?  They are the individuals who are incapable of talking about anything else... GUILTY!!!  

it's okay though.  I am starting the paleo clean eating challenge at my gym....what program is this?  It's called the Whole 30...It is an amazing program...what qualifies it to be an amazing program....IT IS A LIFESTLYE CHANGE....I don't diet...I change my lifestyle to fit around my fitness goals..Guess what....it works...

I have said this before...If you don't like where you are...You must get up and move....If you don't like the way something turned out...Learn from your mistakes and don't do it again......Continuing to follow the same patterns of behavior will result in ending up right where you started...This makes sense right?

It seems to me that this should be something that we learned when we were children...incapable of taking care of ourselves...we learned quickly what hurt us and we avoided it the next time...It was ingrained...fire is hot...don't touch it....it was easy right?  So why are we having a hard time avoiding things we know hurt us as adults?  Because we live in a society where admitting you are wrong or aren't the best at something is shameful...Americans hate to lose....It sickens most of us....If you are like me losing or not being amazing at something pisses me off...I hate it...I focus on it....but I realize that I have to be willing to change to make a change....

That's right...Failure is the best way to learn...Enjoy screwing up..It means you are trying...You are moving forward....Does it hurt?  Hell yeah it does...falling on your face is never a pleasant feeling....but if we learn from it, it was all worth it in the end....one of my favorite examples came from none other than the man himself....Michael Jordan..... "

That is dedication...to succeed at life..You have to learn how to fail....

I have fallen on my face several times in my life....figuratively and literally....I have skills...I have told you this already..I can trip upstairs...Can you do that?  Learning how to fail is important....How can you see the light if you haven't lived through the darkness?  

I know what you are thinking....I can't fail...failing is the end of me...well I am here to tell you that failure will not kill you...Okay that's not 100 percent true...failing to look both ways on a busy street might cause you to fail...and never return...but those are minor details...One of my favorite books in the world talks you through making a change..facing your fears...finding your happiness...Who moved my cheese is a must read...There is my shameless plug for the amazing book...If you haven't read it yet...drop everything and go get the book...

Tomorrow is a new day...I may have failed today in...but tomorrow I will be better......

I am going to leave you with this final thought...The change you are making in the world...is it the change you want to see?  Be the change you want to see in the world...be on my team..it's time to get awesome....

Don't Paleo and drive

Dr. E safety message...It is not advisable to eat a steak while you are driving....I learned this today as I was leaving work...I failed to prepare a lunch for myself today..not really a big deal as I have amazing will power and can avoid garbage...But not awesome at around 6 when I am so hungry I start looking at the birds outside and seeing little roasted chickens instead...So I grab a steak...Because Heaven Forbid the fast food industry actually make something healthy...anyway...There I am eating a beautiful bite of steak...in my car....don't judge me....I may have overestimated my ability to chew and drive as before I knew it..I was choking...Skills people...mad skills....so remember people...Only Paleo in the safe zone...as in at a table...with chairs...and no moving vehicles.....


I have a confession to make.....I may or may not be a little judgmental when I am at the grocery store...I may or may not judge you based on what is in your cart.... I also may have extreme anxiety when I am shopping for my kids and I have cereal, bread, and other non paleo items in my cart...It sort of freaks me out....I...am a cart judger....Boom!  I said it!  If you are at the store and you have your cart filled with your special K cereal...Your slim fast shakes...Your protein bars...Which in all actuality are the WORST things on the planet for you...I am going to assume that you are trying to lose weight...But..You just want to eat cereal to make it happen....lets not get moving or make any REAL lifestyle changes....okay since we are on the topic...lets discuss common DIET FADS.. and Myths...
Diet Fads/Myths:
1. The Special K diet
basically its about caloric restriction with super easy to find, cheap, processed grains and chemicals......
It's cheap and easy...It has to work right?  Wrong...While you may initially lose weight because you aren't eating as many calories..You will ultimately fail at this diet as soon as you tire of eating cereal that tastes like cardboard at every meal...

2. The HCG diet...
It's quick....Its easy....its not that cheap...why does this work?  Mainly because you starve yourself...500 calories a day?  Get real dude...is that sustainable?  Is this a lifestyle change?  Nope...Next please..

3. Juicing-
Juicing is a great way to get in your vegetables if you don't like eating them....Problem is...How many of us really like vegetable juice?  Hell no...We love Fruit juices....they taste so much better!!  Because....ding ding ding....they are filled with sugar...yes sugar is natural in this form...but too much of a good thing leads to...too much around the mid section...right?

THAT IS ONE HAPPY JUICER!

4.  The South Beach Diet-
Okay..this is one that really initially was capable of working...BEFORE it sold out and became commercialized...bottom line...frozen meals laden with sodium and snacks that are filled with artificial sweeteners?  Lets rename this one the Chemical Shit Storm diet...

5.  Diet Pills...
I'm not even going to get into this....will you lose weight?  Maybe...a little water....but ummmmmm...what the hell are you doing to your body?  The FDA says...I have no idea what this is...and you say...hmmmmm sounds good....let me swallow it?  Are you crazy?

6.  The cleanse...
Drink so mystery concoction and lose weight....yep..you will lose some...and gain that shit right back when you eat again..

So what am I getting at?  How do you lose weight if these diets all seem to fail?  You have to decide to make a lifestyle change..You have to put forth effort...You have to give something up....
Don't look at me like a 4 year old who just had his truck taken away....this isn't crazy...It's logical...
You want to lose weight?
You want to become fit?
strong?
Healthy?
STOP EATING GARBAGE!!!

Yeah it's not rocket science people....put the donut down...give up your sugar...your boxed foods...your fast foods....It's time to work for our health....

Step one: Give up Sugar....come on people...it's not hard...Quitting Heroin is Hard....Putting the sugar away...thats not hard....

NO!!! NOT MY SUGAR!!!!!!

Step two:  Decide to stick with it for life...Do you need sugar to live?  Do you need Candy?  Do you NEED that Venti Frappucino from starbucks?  Hell no...you want it....but what do you want more? The sugar?  or your health?  The sugar or a longer life full of being able to play with your kids?  Make better decisions....

Step 3:  Make a lifestyle change you can live with...Going paleo wasn't easy for me...My kids don't eat paleo everyday....that was my choice not theirs...but that doesn't mean I can't go Paleo...how many of you make dinner that consists of a Meat, A veggie or fruit and a starch...All of us right?  So how will I ever feed my family?  Lets put that excuse to bed right now....Cut out the starch!  Boom...Dinner is on the damn table.....

Step 4:  EXERCISE...yeah that's right...get off your butt and move.....

There you go...a recipe for success...

So...step away from the Donut...get to the gym...and put in some work...

Sweet Revenge

Dear RX Junkies...I have read your blogs....I know about your WOD or MOD motto.....I heard about your mishaps...actually

Sure I could go on a tangent and throw a fit about you not completing the WOD....Sure I could go back into my evil Drill Sergeant Mode and start flipping furniture and Ish like that....but really....that isn't what it's about....Just because you had a bad day...just because you had to scale back a WOD...that isn't cheating...Cheating is defined as using a lighter weight so you can finish a WOD faster even though you know you can do it at a higher weight....Cheating is stopping in the middle of a WOD because you think you are tired...or you just don't feel like finishing....If you in your heart know that you have worked as hard as you can....pushed as far as you could.....lifted as much as your body would allow...Then that my loves...that is not Cheating.....So you had a glass of wine...so you ate a piece of cake...is the world going to end?  No....I bet the sun will still rise the next morning......and all will still be well in the world....just don't turn a slip up into a landslide......Let's not say Oh no...I ate a piece of cake...Now that poor cake is sitting there looking horrible missing a piece....lets make it all disappear in my belly...That is not a slip up.....that is what we call FALLING OFF THE WAGON and will result in a personal visit from me....in which I guarantee you will soon taste that sweet cake once again....as it exits your body....but as for now I'll leave you with this.....A slip up is not the end of the world.....as long as you don't make it the end of your lifestyle change....don't cry over the slip up.....come back stronger and conquer that craving next time....Thank You....That is all.......

NOW LET ME SEE YOUR WAR FACE!!!

Walking DIsaster....

Before you read this blog I'd like you to go ahead and find the song...

One Click Headshot....Feed Me.....and play it....

Ok.....Yeah maybe its been a while...I probably should work on my blogging skills....but whatever...here you go....

It's been one of those weeks...You know the one where life pretty much knocks you down and you say loudly with your chest puffed out like you are some superhero....IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT..and it trolls you and says.....in it's Fire Marshall Bill voice...

The week started off slow with some lame petty cheer mom Drama....What's that you say.....Cheer Mom drama?  NO WAY!!!  That's unheard of.....Well ok....it exists....and believe me...Cheer moms make Dance moms and Soccer Dads look like fluffy marshmallow peeps....Who cares if my daughter is dropping your daughter on her head.....No way am I going to drive out and have my kid actually practice for a little while....that is logical...and there is no place for logic when you are a cheer mom....

Next up.....Woot!  Guess who is working full time again in the insurance BIZ...yep that's me!!  First day they break my computer, take away my hopes of ever having a vacation and send me away to school during my daughters competition..It was sort of like my first day of High School on the Westiside only this time the street gangs all decided to wear suits and pretty lavender shirts.....BOOM...That has to be it right?  HAHAHAHAHA Heavens No!!  I still have cheer practice....drive home...Total my car....Moral of the story....NEVER under any circumstance say...It couldn't possibly be worse because It can!!!  Okay end rant.....Plus side...I'm such a Bad ass I can walk away from a head on collision without a scratch on me or a hair out of place...Beat that!  DR. E has skills....

Okay....maybe these aren't the best skills....but hey they are skills right?  I haven't made it to crossfit in 2 days....2 WHOLE DAYS!!!  I am starting to go through withdrawals....If I don't get to crossfit soon I am going to start back squatting random people in the hallways at work to get my fix...I mean come on!!  Can I get a day of crossfit in please?!!!  I miss my evil sadistic Coach....who has been littering my wall with crazy seemingly impossible workouts.....yes.....my coach is taunting me....I'd expect nothing less.....but I want go go back...I NEED TO GO BACK...ok..maybe I can't turn my head at the moment...and my back hurts....but seriously....I can still workout....right?  For those of you who really know me...You know that if I were to break my leg I would still drag myself into the gym and be like....It's Ok...I'll just rub some dirt on it....lets go..maybe I'm not the smartest cookie....Maybe I don't know the difference between stupid and hardcore....but eh....those are minor technicalities....I'll leave you with this little tid bit of motivation.......

So Put Up or Shut Up.....Get in the gym.......